So, last week we had two days of work that absolutely made me want to simply get back in my car and leave do to sheer frustration and disappointment.  The first was on  10.18.12.

We started out with maxing out on front squat. I know it seems basic and plain, but I always get a little wary when it comes to squatting. I’ve been training for almost four years now, and my squat is light years away from where it should be. My previous max for a single rep back squat is 195#. Now, you might be thinking Don’t be so hard on yourself, that’s not that bad. Sure, that’s true. However, I’ve done 150# for 10 (then did a bunch more at lower weights and did 150# for 10 again). Why is this significant? Because if I can squat 150#, ten times, I should be well over 195# for a max. Fast forward to my most recent numbers. I’ve failed at 145#, and barely squeaked out 175#..and this is all BACK squats. It’s been proven to me, time and time again, that it’s my confidence. As soon as I pick up that heavy bar, and feel the weight in the bottom, I immediately think there is no way I am going to be able to pick this up. And it results in a self-fulfilling prophecy. As I keep trying, I get more frustrated. Not only that, I have this idea that “new” or “out of the mix” people shouldn’t be lifting heavier than me…I mean, I’m here all the time WTF!? Is it irrational? Yes. Is it immature? Yes. As soon as someone I consider “new” lifts more than me do I immediately shut down and lose any mental edge I may have had? You bet.

I reach a point where I don’t even want to do the freaking lift. I’ve decided I”m defeated. I decide there is no way I will get that weight up. And that happened this day at 145#. I gave up on it.

So we finally finish the strength section and look to the WOD. Running. All Running. All freaking Running. I wanted to kill somebody.

10.18.12 WOD:

1600m
3 min rest
1200m
2 min rest
800m
1 min rest
400m

That’s it. No Barbells. No Kettlebells. No strength. Just running. Just the thing I absolutely suck at. Great. Here we go again. I get to be terrible at something else today. I set a goal: Just don’t walk. That’s it. Don’t walk. I picked a pace and I stayed there. I wanted to keep whatever pace I needed to keep each 200m under a minute. I ended up with my fastest mile time in two years (8:31…not great, but good for my slow ass). Despite a brief stop to fix my shoe, I managed to stop myself from walking throughout the WOD. I finished, and pleased with my performance, went home to dream about the WOD we’d do tomorrow that I would be so good at.

Boy was I wrong…

(continued on Part 2!)